Taking It All For Granted...

"...And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying..."
This past week or so has been rough for my little community of Winchester, KY. A few weekends ago we had two awful car wrecks. One wreck landed a few boys in the hospital and killed another young man in the car, and then another wreck killed a promising young football player, who had just began his senior year of high school. Then, just a few days ago on Sunday, my friend Robin's ex (who she is still very close with and has a ten year old daughter with) just collapsed in his. His ten year old daughter found him and called 911 immediately (such a brave little girl...we love you, Kaylee!) but unfortunately it looks like the damage is done. Turns out he had a heart attack followed by a series of strokes.
I don't know any of the people who died personally, and I've only met Robin's ex, Todd, a few times. But I, along with most of the people in Winchester, feel this immense sadness for the tragic events of recent days. Yes, it does make me sad to see a friend in pain, but it's even more than that. Throughout the past few days, I feel like God has told me to open my eyes and look around. I had lunch with my husband today, and kept sneaking little glimpses and hugs, all the time realizing how quickly he could be taken from me. After I left the ICU waiting room earlier and went to pick up my girls from school, I had to hold back the tears in the parking lot before I walked in because it dawned on me how lucky I am to have them; how much that poor football players mom would give to be in my shoes right now. Now, obviously you can't live life always thinking about how the people you love can be taken from you, but I've really been forced me to step back for a second and take notice how often we take the people and things around us for granted. How often I hurry through bedtime storytime just so I can make it downstairs in time to watch my show. How often I tell my kids to be quiet so I can talk on the phone. How often I don't kiss my husband when he walks in the door from work. How often I don't say "I love you" at the end of a phone conversation with family because it was "just a quick chat" and I was in a hurry to get off the phone. All of those are things I know I would regret to the ends of the Earth if one of my loved ones died tomorrow. It's like that Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying"...yea, it's a great song and gives us all goosebumps when we hear it. But what if we all truly lived like today was our last day to spend with our friends and families? Because after all, it just might be...
God, I come to you today and ask that you provide comfort and healing for the families who have lost someone they love. Lord, I pray that your will be done in the case of Todd Rogers, whether it's healing him so that he can continue his life on Earth, or taking him home to live for eternity with you. I pray for Kaylee that she continues to find strength in the midst of such incredible pain, and that you hold her hand and guard her heart. Thank you, God, for reminding me how powerful you are and how temporary I am. It's in Jesus most holy name I pray...Amen...

Tears and Lipstick

Over the past year I've had to deal with my oldest daughter thinking she's fat and refusing to finish her meal, ruthless teasing and taunting at school, and now my youngest daughter crying when I wouldn't give her lipstick so she could be "pretty"...and they are TWO and FOUR! Sure, I knew these issues would arise, but I was hoping to hold them off just a tad longer. I'm really starting to wonder if their favorite shows like Hannah Montana and Victorious are influencing their opinions of what is beautiful and what isn't more than I thought? My oldest has come home several times from school upset because someone teased her, told her she didn't have any friends, and even called her fat at lunch time (all at a private Christian preschool...yes parents, it's everywhere...), so I know that isn't helping, either. It's so frustrating! And now, my little one is a makeup fanatic...she disappears for minutes at a time and then shows up with a painted face. I think she'd wear makeup to bed if she could. And when I try to take it off of her, she throws a fit and says "Now I won't be pretty any more." I'm sure some of this is just the fun of "dressing up", but how seriously do you take it when your child thinks wearing lipstick makes you pretty, and without you aren't pretty anymore?

With a husband that's 6'7, I always new my girls were going to be tall. I have spent hours and hours encouraging them that their tall height makes them unique, special and beautiful. I make a big fuss every morning when they get dressed about how beautiful they look, and everynight I kiss them and tell them how special, talented, and beautiful they are. So how else should I be building up their self-esteem? Earlier this summer, my 4 year old opted for a tankini over a bikini for the first time. I asked her why, and I was beside myself when she said she didn't want anyone to see her fat belly. Wow. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. How could my talented, smart, fabulous, BEAUTIFUL child think that of herself, ate the age of 4, especially when it's clearly not true?! Am I failing as a parent in my duty to build my children up?

I've been pondering these things for months now, and I have yet to figure out any answers. Even last week, my 4 year old came home on the first day of school and told me her feelings got hurt when someone told her she didn't have any friends (again, clearly not true). There are days I'd like to take my babies and keep them in a little bubble that would shield them from all the hurt they will experience in their lifetime...but I know this isn't possible, and even if it was, it wouldn't be the best choice for them. I want my kids to learn life lessons and grow to be strong, healthy women both inside and out, and I know what they experience along the way will help mold them...I just didn't know I'd be dealing with fat jokes, lipstick and tears just yet...

Adventures of a Lawn Mowin' Queen

I was on my way out the door this morning, when I decided I should mow the lawn instead of running the bazillion errands I was on my way to do. After all, it was the first morning in a LONG time that I couldn't cook an egg on my driveway, so I figured "Ehhh what the heck, I'll grab the mower, enjoy the weather, and get a little workout." I quickly opened the garage and rolled out the mower before any of my neighbors could glance in and see the "yard sale pile" that has taken over what was formerly my parking spot. Mental note: put yard sale and cleaning the garage on my To-Do list. Feelin' pretty good, I rolled the mower to my starting point, primed the engine, pulled the cord, and...nothing. It made this pathetic little putter noise like it was going to start, but alas it was all a tease. But I, the Queen of the Yard, did not give up that easy. In all honesty I know nothing about lawn mowers, so I just closed my eyes, muttered a few choice words, tried again and SUCCESS. The lawn mower roared and we were off, like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. Up and down the lawn we went...until we were sidelined by a piece of mushy lawn from the storm yesterday. But did that stop us? No! The front yard was finished and it was time to tackle the backyard. Now, the backyard is NOT my friend. It's sloped and has about 100 types of weed-grass that grows in thick stalks. (If you are reading this and you know how to eradicate this crap-grass [get it? not craB-grass...craP-grass...hardy har har...] PLEASE let me know!) So, I rolled Mr. Mower in and stared at the small jungle in front of me. As I started mowing, I decided to mow around the egdes so I had a border that I could then mow the inside of to avoid hitting the fence. Just the border required me to empty the bag two times. Ugh. But once that part is finished, I was feeling sort of like Wonder Woman. In my super hero state, I began the back and forth rows and an idea popped into my head: I want to write a book. I want to compile stories of different accounts of Mommy Brain. I think it would be great to be able to read about all of the silly/scary/sad things mommies have done on the grounds of the forgetfulness caused by motherhood, and I think it would be good for mommies to know they are not alone in this stuff. I was eager to finish the lawn and start my new project when a GIANT black winged flying creature flew right at my face. It was all a blur, but it was HUGE and gross and flying and...I screamed. A lot. I threw my hands up and started batting it away from my face. Meanwhile, I had taken my hands off the mower, and it rolled back towards me (thank goodness it has automatic shut off when your hands come off the bar!), knocking me backwards. In the middle of my screamfest/stumble, I flung my glasses off my face. It was like the scene from A Christmas Story where the kid loses his glasses in the snow...only minus the snow...and the bb gun, and the falling icicle...okay, so I guess it wasn't really like A Christmas Story much at all. But still, I watched in slow motion as my glasses flew and hit the fence, then crunched on the rocks down below, bouncing several times until they came to a stop, lenses facing down, of course. After being sure the black flying beast was gone, I picked them up only to discover the lenses and frames were bent and scratched. Add that to the list: need new glasses.
Once inside and showered, I sat down and issued a statement on Facebook that I am looking for stories about Mommy Brain for a new project. I thought I would just be slammed with stories immediately after posting...but I haven't gotten a single one yet. But I feel certain if I can get this ball rolling it could be a really successful, interesting, useful compilation. Any takers?

Fish Murderer

Well, we've had our aquarium for about a year and a half, and over the past few weeks we've had a couple of fish "expire". Today our creamsicle molly bit the dust after a short battle with LipStuckInTheFilterThingyWhileWeWereGoneForTheWeekend-itis. Well, he almost bit the dust. He was well on his way, just lying on his side on the bottom of the tank for days, gills feverishly sucking in and out, so I decided to end his suffering (and also to avoid letting the amonia level in the tank rise due to a dead fish if he were to die while I was gone today...selfish, I know.) Call me Marci Kevorkian. Every time a fish passes, I can't help but the think of the Cosby episode where Rudy's fish died and they had a funeral in the bathroom, complete with a eulogy and everything. I'd like to say we also had a nice fishy funeral like that, but today while the girls were at school I flushed our little aquatic friend. The girls haven't noticed yet, but I know tonight when it's time to feed the fisharoonies, my oldest daughter will notice. So what do you tell your 4 year old about the death of another a fish (obviously leaving out the part about me pulling the plug)? While trying to instill the value of life in my kids, how do I also teach them that the death of, say, a fish, is less significant than our dog, or even their own lives? (Sorry if I offended any fish-lovers out there...) When our first fish passed, my 4 year old (who was 3 at the time) was beside herself with grief. It was the first death she'd experienced, and the finality of it was devastating to her. But then we trotted up to PetSmart and bought a new fish, and it was all better...until the next fish passed. And it was NOT a pretty passing (well it never is, I suppose). That fish had dropsy and bloated up to 4 times it's original size, with it's scales all spikey like a pine cone...NOT good. When my daughters saw that, they both cried, as did I for some reason. This time around, I opted to flush the fish before the girls came home from school in order to try to avoid another meltdown, and now as I sit here waiting for the girls to notice, I am overcome with guilt on two different levels: #1) Did I jump the gun for flushing before the gills stopped moving? and #2) Should I have waited for the girls, and had a full out fish funeral? Was I wrong to flush first, and answer questions later? As I sit here listening to the thunder outside, I can tell it's about to rain. When it rains, the sewers will swell with water...and the body of my flushed fish will float around. I'm a fish murderer...oh my goodness...lock me up...

Today is officially our last day of summer in the Pelayo household, as the girls start back to school tomorrow. We spent the day hanging out with our friends a few streets away, playing in the pool and just having fun. When I got home, I was perusing the many giveaways that my friends have posted on their blogs, and entered a few. Click here to enter two great ones on Just A Clip Away (Mimi Loves Sookie and GracieLuv Creations giveaways.) As I sat there entering away, I was inspired. I was looking at all the cute things up for grabs, and realized how much I long to really exercise my artistic talents more, in way ways other than cake :) I've ventured into nursery paintings (murals), step stools, plates, ornaments...and I love it all. But, I also know I would need to narrow it down to really be able to market correctly. I can't just be a one-woman show! Those thougths then got my mind rolling...man oh man do I need a job. I real job. One that sends paychecks on a regular basis. Was I crazy to give up teaching? NO WAY. The public school system is on its way down the drain around here and I want NO part in it. But geesh, it was nice to get that paycheck every few weeks. At what price should we sacrifice our mental and physical well being for a check? And it's not like part-time receptionist jobs are growing on trees right now, because if they were I'd be at the front of the line. There are so many things I want to do: go to nursing school, go to beauty school, open a cake shop, start a party planning business, travel the world, have more kids, work as a receptionist and not have to take any work home with me each night, paint kids rooms and nurseries, etc etc etc...so how do you choose? I'm not old, but I'm not getting any younger, either, and I'd really like to know what direction my life is going in by the time I'm 30...
I'm pretty daggone confused...anyone else in that boat with me?

Hi, My Name is Marci, and I Forgot to Wipe My Butt

Ok, so I know I'm not the only person with this phenomenon called "Mommy Brain"; definition: a condition that begins during pregnancy and gets worse after childbirth, where the brain seems to shut itself off and never restore itself completely. Since having children, I've forgotten everything from returning phone calls (I'm a frequent forgetter on this one) to forgetting to pay bills on time, forgetting to take important medication, and even forgetting my kids birthdays (yes, this was a low point for me). Why does this happen? I know docs say hormone imbalances and depression/anxiety can play a role in this, but how do you combat it besides taking tons of meds? Or even worse, when you can't remember to take the meds...ughhhh....
Unless you are a mommy, you can't possibly understand how upsetting and frustrating this is. Take the hubby for example...asks me 30 times to call the internet company, which I KNOW needs to happen because the internet isn't working properly...even texts me the phone number...but do I do it? Nope. Not because I don't want the internet to work...but simply because I forgot. So, I put a note on the counter and a note on my steering wheel to remind me. Did that help? Nope. Why, you ask? Well, first off because when I saw the notes and went to get my phone, I had FORGOTTEN where I put the daggone phone. And when I finally tore apart my car and found it, I was so stressed about the phone, I totally forgot the whole reason I was searching for it. And now that I've found it, have I called yet? Nope. Because I sat down at the computer to Google search the source of my toothache-after-filling, and then realized I've been FORGETTING to write new blog post for over a month now. Then I started stewing over what to write about...and decided upon Mommy Brain. You'd think I would call RIGHT NOW, but alas, my phone has wandered off again...I dunno why the phone company gave my cell phone legs...I'll have to call them about that...
Anywho, the incurable case of Mommy Brain I've developed over the years has not only cost me a ton of money in late fees, but also many arguments with the hubster, lost business for not returning calls quick enough (or at all), and even a few tense moments with friends that I've neglected to call because I forget, and when I finally remember, I don't call because I'm nervous they are mad at me (makes no sense, I know). So, if you ever see me, two screaming kids in tow, running to the bathroom at Walmart (cuz that place always makes me have to poop), please remind me to wipe my butt because I'd hate to forget that, too...